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If we were to survey people in our cities and ask them, “What do you think is the primary reason people cheat on their spouses?” Inevitably, a whole host of answers would come up. Some might say that someone in their life could be the cause (someone too “friendly” at work or in the community, etc.). Others might say that a poor marriage at home is the cause since, as the old (yet erroneous) saying goes, “if he/she comes home and there’s no food on the table, then he/she will go out to eat.” Still others might say that a “wandering eye” or “neglected emotional needs” are the cause. Indeed, one could probably find a hundred reasons, if given a survey, as to why others cheat.
While some of these excuses might play a factor in cheating, I do believe there is a forgotten cause of adultery that looms large and mostly unspoken, and it is this: “Religious infidelity leads to marital infidelity” (ESV Study Bible note). Or, to put it another way, “Covenantal adultery [against God] leads to marital adultery” (ESV Study Bible note). Let us take Israel, and her relationship with God from the book of Jeremiah, as a case study.
7 “Why should I forgive you?
Your children have forsaken me
and sworn by gods that are not gods.
I supplied all their needs,
yet they committed adultery
and thronged to the houses of prostitutes.
8 They are well-fed, lusty stallions,
each neighing for another man’s wife (Jeremiah 5:7-8)
We see that Israel has “committed adultery” (v.7b) against God, meaning, they have “forsaken me [God]” (v.7a) and they have “sworn by gods that are not gods” (v.7). Oftentimes, in the Old Testament, God spoke of Israel’s sin against Him as adultery, meaning, unfaithfulness to God and His ways. Notice that there wasn’t a lack with Israel. God was not a “neglectful God,” for He says, “I supplied all their needs, yet they committed adultery…” (v.7). In verse 8 God exposes their lustful stances by saying, “They are well-fed, lusty stallions, each neighing for another man’s wife” (v.8). One can see, then, the connection between the “spiritual adultery” of Israel against God in verse 7, and then to their marital adultery in verse 8 (“neighing for another man’s wife”).
What is the point? The point is this: If we are not right with God, and if our hearts are far from God, then we are closer to adultery than we think, no matter the healthy outward circumstances we have. Why? Because, as I quoted above, “”Religious infidelity leads to marital infidelity” (ESV Study Bible note) or “Covenantal adultery [against God] leads to marital adultery” (ESV Study Bible note). The root sin in adultery is not against our spouses, but against God. God Himself has established marriage between one man and one woman for one lifetime, and if we stray from Him, then we are straying also from His will and desire for our lives as well, which includes adultery. One cannot separate the reality of “cheating” (or committing adultery) from what one believes about God. As the famous Russian author Dostoevsky said years ago through his characters in “The Brothers Karamazov,” “If there is no God, then all is permissible.” Indeed, if there is no God, then there is no reason to do any of His commands. The “staying power” to remain in a committed relationship for life is only as strong as one’s connection is to God Himself. If we lose God, then we lose our marriages as well, and much more. Lusting is not simply an “environmental problem” (although it may be a factor), it is a theological problem primarily. Loving our spouses as we should is connected to, and is never completely separated from, our love for God, which means the desire to keep His commands.
Whenever we are tempted in any way to break any of God’s commands (see the 10 Commandments as an example), we must ask ourselves, “What do I believe, or NOT believe, about God that motivates me to break this commandment?” What am I LACKING in my beliefs about God to want to transgress and sin? If you are tempted in some way, you need to ask yourself, “What is lacking in my relationship with God?” Certainly, we should work on marital issues with counseling, or with other aides if needed, but we need not ignore the theological element involved with these matters as well. I am afraid that if the theological element is not addressed, then there will simply be a repeat of the problem. In fact, if the theological element is not addressed, then I am afraid that other sinful problems will erupt within one’s life that will cause more devastation. What we are in need of is sanctification and holiness before God. Our spouses, our children, our co-workers, our family, and our communities need us to be holy, above all else. Walking in holiness before God, as much as is possible, solves a multiplicity of societal, familial, and personal ills, including adultery.